I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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