Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You smell like stripper and shame
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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