i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
