Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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