And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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