we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
honey bunches of taint.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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