My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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