I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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