pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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