It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
