either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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