friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
