So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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