he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
