So drunk its hurt
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
