You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
