I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
