he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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