Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
