it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
