All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
