playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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