Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
