i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
