Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
