just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
