i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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