Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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