If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
