remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
