dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
