i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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