i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
