it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
