I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
