Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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