i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
