Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
