I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
