WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
