We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
