if you like me you must not know who I am
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wear drunk well.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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