What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
