The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
