hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
