Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
