I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm too high and old for this...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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