i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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