he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
