i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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