Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
