I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
