This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
