your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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