Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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