you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
