yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
