i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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