I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
