I am in a vortex of obligation.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
