Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
