If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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