This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I will die if light touches me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
