I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
