My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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