I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
