you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pooping to opera.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
