shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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