I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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