STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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