Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he puts the penis in happiness.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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