i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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