I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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