After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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