remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize