five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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