i need an iv and a liver transplant
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
