He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
