can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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